Why do we fall?

A gentle wave of peace unfolds in moments recently. It is even why I’m able to write this blog.

This year has torn me apart, destruction has looked me in the face and shown no mercy. Why should it? We cling desperately to things that no longer serve us, so.. many.. thought patterns. All of them lead to the choices we make that shape our lives. So if we cannot see that our life CAN be better and it is US holding ourselves back, making choices that lead to painful consequences. then life will appear.

But it wont knock on our door. Instead, it will bring the rain so to speak.

Our lives are so precious. We think we are heading in one direction, that things will work out. To be out of control is every human’s nightmare. A whirling galactic storm that rips, tears, and breaks apart everything we hold. Our thought patterns. Our… selves.

This destruction came in the form of many things, one of the biggest was the cutting of a romantic connection. In movies and tv shows, whenever we see a person walk up to their partner and suddenly say ‘I’m breaking up with you’, it is seen as normal. Whenever people go on dating apps, and ghosting occurs, it is seen as normal. Cutting off, is seen as ‘normal’ to people on this planet. I am aware that there is a positive side to this however, I am talking about the negative polarity. The one which can leave sever psychological and emotional trauma. For example, the parent child dynamic.

Connection to me is the single greatest need, the greatest joy, and one of the greatest reasons we all chose Earth as our home. Why do our mission without sharing that joy with someone? Why travel the globe, without meeting so many different people? Why become successful, if we cannot share that success with anyone? Love and connection are one and the same. A practice of oneness and beyond. To remember that no one is left out, we are all connected to each other in a great web that spins the tapestry of life. So… to be cut off from such a seemingly wonderful thing, is to experience a huge amount of pain. Especially when unexpected. It wasn’t the first time this happened to me, but romance is a whole different flavor to me. Possibly because romance holds such a dear place in my heart. Which then goes to a deeper layer of one of my core values. Intimacy. Intimacy is everything to me. Two people diving into each other’s worlds, is a dream come true. It brings so much color and vibrancy to this planet, to my life.

It has taken me a long time to be able to get to a place to begin writing again. During this time, I have had to look at many patterns externally and internally. I had to look at my choices. My thought patterns. It is never easy to see some of the choices we make have big consequences in our life. An example would be the rescuer pattern. This ultimately leads to the consequence of love turning to hate if not dealt with. The person wanting to be rescued will turn from loving to pushing the other away if there need of being rescued is not met, if their life is not fixed. The rescuer will be attracted to a person in pain because they do not believe in a reciprocal relationship, they often have a lot of responsibility they take on and need to ask for their needs to be met, especially the ones they find scary. This is something I was able to receive from many healers/practitioners, women who were able to let me lead by asking for space to be held and to be contained to which they were able to hold me in a container of nurturing and love while I felt… vulnerable.

I then learnt so much more about myself when it came to working with friends (practitioners) in healing. Not only integrating the reflection of people who were part of this theme of destruction, but also find out drastic life changing perspectives.

I saw a fragmental split when it came to posting on social media, and why there had been a huge start and stop. The personal truth that arose was seeing my shadow motive of significance, my limits, and my need of deep intimacy and more privacy, rather than trying to seek fame and awaken humanity globally by myself. What this looks like is going for the people who truly want to listen to my work, where they appreciate my high-quality work, as I want my work to be clean. It makes me laugh a little to think it was practical to try and talk to everyone on social media as if they would all listen.

This was a good crisis. Additionally, I also realized I am not a Pisces sun. I am an Aries sun. This whole time, (I’m talking years upon years) I’ve thought I was a Pisces sun and the astrological calculators just miscalculated. Nope, the dates don’t matter but time DOES. This took a while to digest. Imagine being a lion but thinking you’re a giraffe. It really had an impact on the way I saw myself and deeply shifted my mental energy. It was as if fog had lifted, and the sun finally shined upon the soil. It was clear I was an Aries when I look back at so many things in my life.

Moreover, my environment has changed. A new house, my own room. It is a breath of fresh air. The taste of freedom feels so wonderful. It has led me to become even more disciplined as time is now my ally. I can finally grasp it and decide where my energy goes during the day.

I’ve become clearer on what I deeply want to bring to the world also. Ever since I was a child, I had always wanted to be accepted, to embrace who I am and to have people embrace who they are. Every person is different, every person is unique. Each individual is a piece of art. I find this one of the main reasons why I love humanity. There is so much to everyone. Since my business started, there had been reflections of this truth displayed, but it was mostly unaware up until this point. Where upon the realization that I will be teaching to those who struggle to embrace and express themselves, are a big part of my audience. It is a travesty to live an inauthentic life, where we hide what we think is taboo and wrong, because we fear losing things like connection. I know in my heart, that the world needs this so much. For people to express their inner selves unto this canvas called Earth. Then of course, if we want to live the life we want vibrationally, we become dedicated to being ourselves. Truly.

This is also a big point of karma for me in this life. To embrace who I am, as an individual, as a unique being. So that I may live this beautiful life, the best I can. There is hope for the future, in my heart I do know, that life has my best interests. Otherwise none of us would exist. Otherwise none of us could love.