Who am i?
My mission. My story
I started this journey in late 2019 after hitting rock bottom. My childhood upbringing was one full of trauma.
​There came a point where I had to leave my family, the dysfunction had broken me.
Carrying just a suitcase, I moved from place to place, preparing to be homeless.
My childhood upbringing was one full of trauma. By age 8
I was already suicidal, the feelings of isolation, neglect, gaslight, scapegoating
and more wastoo much. At 14 I did not want to be on this planet. I found spirituality
at 15,and amazing teachers at 17 and older, but still, I did not know how to heal.
Despite all the tools and techniques, my head was filled with self doubt, insecurity,
dysfunctional relationship patterns, while my body was filled with shame,
stuck emotions and no core. Like most people on the planet I was inauthentic.
At one point I was sleeping on a strangers couch (who was my saving grace), in a very very small flat, consisting of one bedroom, a lounge, kitchen and bathroom, with a traumatized dog. I did not have any friends, I had barely any money, for the first week I tried every technique I could from teachers, hoping and praying it would cause some healing to my vibration so my life circumstances would change, so I would feel some sense of love from life. But nothing. Nothing would work. In June 2019, I hit rock bottom. I did not want to live. What was I going to do? How could I do my purpose? The entire universe hates me. No more desperately trying anymore. I sat on the couch at 1/2am and said to myself, "I give up".
This, is when my awakening started. Not from a book, not from a video on YouTube. An actual experience, of meeting who I really am and what this "life" is about. Suddenly, there was a split in my consciousness. "I", was no longer mixed in with the shame, despair, powerlessness feelings, instead it felt like something beyond words, beyond labels, was now viewing these feelings with something I can only point a close phrase to, unconditional love. I started to grieve and cry like I had never cried before. Some "thing" was there for me, only later did I realise this is what teachers had referred to as our essence, soul, higher self. What happened to those feelings? They were held, felt safe, and swiftly moved through my body. I suddenly felt for the first time, I had released trauma from my body, I was no longer scared to feel them/ stuck in healing. For the next 3 months, I decided to integrate this awakening experience. Any childhood trauma that came up was being healed rapidly. I began to understand ego. Our false ego and our real ego. The false one most people walk around with is purely identification with illusions, false negative core beliefs. Which we have held onto since childhood. When these are shed, we finally stop self blaming, self hating, and actually start expressing our core authentic selves, our authentic ego. I understood how negative core beliefs form at an early age to protect us from the original cause of the trauma.
What essentially happened was a dis-identification process. It was a natural one that was not forced.
This, is when my awakening started. Not from a book, not from a video on YouTube. An actual experience, of meeting who I really am and what this "life" is about. Suddenly, there was a split in my consciousness. "I", was no longer mixed in with the shame, despair, powerlessness feelings, instead it felt like something beyond words, beyond labels, was now viewing these feelings with something I can only point a close phrase to, unconditional love. I started to grieve and cry like I had never cried before. Some "thing" was there for me, only later did I realise this is what teachers had referred to as our essence, soul, higher self. What happened to those feelings? They were held, felt safe, and swiftly moved through my body. I suddenly felt for the first time, I had released trauma from my body, I was no longer scared to feel them/ stuck in healing. For the next 3 months, I decided to integrate this awakening experience. Any childhood trauma that came up was being healed rapidly. I began to understand ego. Our false ego and our real ego. The false one most people walk around with is purely identification with illusions, false negative core beliefs. Which we have held onto since childhood. When these are shed, we finally stop self blaming, self hating, and actually start expressing our core authentic selves, our authentic ego. I understood how negative core beliefs form at an early age to protect us from the original cause of the trauma. What essentially happened was a
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dis-identification process. It was a natural one that was not forced.
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As I was healing, my life circumstances began to change dramatically. I had abundance form around me, such as one day discovering a sale of tons of vegan food in a supermarket! I had people reach out to me who then became my friends. I was able to travel and find another place to live. I rode the waves of uncertainty knowing life was with me, that I was life. My purpose was integrated, my love of teaching expressed to those who needed it. It is my greatest joy, and finally I was able to offer new perspectives as to why people could not heal no matter what.
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ONE of the most important things I have uncovered is the shadows in this field from other coaches, practitioners, healers etc. MOST people in the spiritual field do not know how to heal. This goes for both practitioners and clients. They do not know how to dis-identify and so are merged with their negative core beliefs. This is unfortunate, because a lot of people wanting healing will get a lack of knowledge or reiterated information that offers no help. Some practitioners will be unattuned to the client and will tell them results have occurred when in fact the truth is simply a small emotional high the client feels and not actual integration. They will give methods and do practices through all the steps even when the client may actually be have an aspect of themselves resisting due to identification. This is where I differ, for I will speak the truth in honest feedback from deep attunement, as to where the client is developmentally for healing and what will actually get them results. THIS is why SO MANY people WALK AWAY from self development, because they have not got any results, have no clue what's going wrong internally (thus vibrationally) and end up in a loop. The people who wish to work with me have to be on board with life change, seeing themselves clearly and wanting self development. Truth, will change a persons life, this is how to actually manifest the desires you want, this is how to build the life you want.
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I have worked with many clients from around the world helping them gain awareness and heal all kinds of issues, traumas and wounds since 2019. I have been featured on the radio Spirit Therapy based in America. I have worked with lots of other practitioners/coaches to help them resolve their resistance as acquaintances. I have also taught to groups in workshops outside of 1:1 sessions. I will continue my journey to reach as many people as I can across the globe.
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This is my drive.
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I want to be your guide in healing into authenticity for you to achieve your desires and live the life you were meant to live
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This is my purpose, my mission, to alleviate suffering in the world as much as I can to the day I die.
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